Dialing for therapy

I know they say diamonds are a girl's best friend, but I, for one, will take therapists who give phone consultations ANYDAY.

And I know everyone loves his/her therapist, and with good reason, but mine really IS the greatest. He's technically Loki's, but as those of you out there who are parents (or have parents) know, it usually does come down to mommy issues. Or daddy issues.

So as Loki swooped down to another nadir, and the blame/guilt cycle was being given another go-'round, I realized in a flash of inspiration that what was needed was some therapeutic perspective. Within 24 hours I was on the phone to SF, and working it all out.

Part of the beauty of therapy is that you can go down all the little wormholes of your feelings and barriers and tease out the helpful from the unproductive. You don't have to be limited to summing it up in an epithet, but for the purpose of this blog, I'll keep it brief.... Regan, the guilt-ridden, needed to own up to her feelings of having ruined her son's life and get over it, and start reveling in all the amazing opportunities this trip has presented to her family. Loki, the tender-hearted, needed a little time, and some opportunities to participate in choosing strategies of support...

So I am owning this decision. Coming to France for a year is a good thing for our family. And I am setting boundaries. Loki can not tell me how miserable he is right as he is trying to nod off to sleep. We're both too tired at the end of the day to manage the emotions appropriately. We have "kvetch dates" now (my phrase), and complaining can only happen during the light of day (and preferably over croissants, or McDonald's). And surprisingly, this works. When he tells me at bedtime, "Tomorrow will be horrible, because it is an all-French day", I say, "I hear you. Let's eat pizza for lunch and you can let me know how it went." And he says, "Ok, mom. I love you." Yes!

And Loki also decided that he wanted a French tutor. I offered him a therapist or a tutor (I actually had a fantasy of some kind of flash-card wielding psychiatrist-hybrid but I doubt I could have found the right person). He thought about it for a day or two, and then decided that he wanted a tutor - acknowledging that the lack of competency in French was a significant source of stress for him, and that making progress a little more quickly would help him feel more in control of the situation.

Chris turned to me tonight and said, "Isn't it interesting how YOU talked to the therapist and now LOKI is better?" And that's what really good therapeutic advice can yield - expanding circles of well-being starting with mommy.